Talking Like Adults

“You look… burnt…”

Arkay ignored the Allbirther as he sat himself down in an empty seat and poured himself a glass of water. While they’d been gone, Sini had set up a banquet table and all-you-can-eat buffet for herself, Epani and the four mortals she was entertaining, with space for the other deities once they returned.

“So are we all clear? Is the corruption gone?”

Sini tried to get a response from Arkay, but the Thantophor was annoyingly silent, and also just gulping down glasses of water. Kairos was the one to answer Sini’s question, as he sat Retvik down at the mortal end of the table, then sat himself down next to Epani. The mortals all whispered to each other, but Kairos quickly silenced them.

“We are all clear. But we need to talk.”

Epani and Sini eyed each other awkwardly.

“Talk about what?” Sini asked.

“About us. And about how we handled this entire situation.”

Sini frowned, then turned to the mortals. All five of them were obviously slightly scared, they could feel the anger emanating from the two male deities. Kairos’s very presence was making the air cooler, while Arkay was making everyone feel nauseous and anxious, god and mortal alike.

“I think it’s time to send you five home!” Sini was smiling, even if her smile wasn’t exactly sincere. As she spoke, Sini sprinkled a small amount of forgetfulness drugs into the mortals’ drinks, adding a lot more to Retvik’s beverage, before mentally suggesting that they all finish their drinks and get up from the table. “Epani, can you create a nice little portal for this lot to exit through?”

“Where am I sending them?”

With a scowl, Arkay got up from his seat, summoned a shadowy portal, then pushed the mortals all through it. “Make sure you close the front door behind you when you leave. Assuming I haven’t been robbed blind while we were all out!”

Once the mortals were gone, Arkay’s portal snapped shut, and he sat back down at the table, pouring himself yet another drink. Sini gave him a worried look, but Arkay just rolled his eyes.

“So, uh, Kairos, what do you want to talk about?” Sini eventually asked, after a long bout of silence.

“Oh, nothing, just the fact that you are intentionally making us weaker!” Arkay hissed. “Turns out, those cute little robots, their crystal wasn’t as soundproof as they thought it was.”

“How much did you catch?” Kairos frowned.

“Enough. Mostly just the bits where I could have dealt with the corruption myself had I not been so badly weakened, and the white one saying that you two are manipulating Kairos as well. Me, I get it, I’m literally entropy, but what did Kairos do for you two to neuter him as well?”

Epani sank in her seat, tucking her lure back behind her. However, Sini just looked confused.

“I don’t recall ever messing with Kairos…” Sini stuttered. “I’ll be the first to admit, we did fuck around with you, Arkay, because you’re the only thing here that can kill us outside of exouniversal threats and, well, you DID kill Kinisis before we built this universe. But I swear, I never did anything to Kairos.”

“The little Decay Lords we met said otherwise!” Kairos let out a low growl. “So either you are lying Sini, or…”

Epani closed her eyes, sighing. “I manipulated you, Kairos. Without your knowledge, without Sini’s knowledge. I needed to make sure that you remained loyal to us, to this universe. I wanted to make it all perfect, and with you… knowing too much, remembering too much, your outside influences were too much of a threat to our plans.”

Kairos leaned forward, his toothed snout inches away from Epani’s face. “Why though? I am a reasonable being, Epani, you can talk to me. All you had to do was ask me, ask me if I was loyal to this universe, and I would have said yes. And I still am loyal to this universe, I will be to its end.”

“I’m loyal as well!” Arkay added. “I don’t have any choice in the matter, you made me to be your loyal little death god, but I’m still loyal to this universe we made. If only because this is the last cycle I have to exist through and I’ll be properly free when this universe ends.”

“That is exactly what I am afraid of though…” Epani admitted, turning away from the other deities. “This universe will end one day. As will I. By your hand, Arkay.”

Arkay though simply tutted. “The universe? Yeah, definitely. But me killing the universe doesn’t mean I’m going to kill you. You’re both Life Goddesses, you can just go on and create new universes on your own. That is, assuming you don’t piss me off and make me WANT to kill you. Which, right now, is what you are making me want to do. You’ve not been treating me right lately, Epani.”

Epani took a deep breath. She felt… horrible. Like her non-existent stomach was turning. If Epani could sweat, she would have been dripping wet. Kairos and Sini had backed away as well, sensing the vast amount of dread that had filled the room.

“Am I not worthy of being treated fairly, Epani?”

“N-no…”

“Why not?”

“You are death itself. You need to be kept on a leash. For everyone’s sakes. Including your own.”

Arkay stared at Epani, his golden yellow eyes piercing into hers. “You know that keeping someone chained up only makes them upset. Makes me upset. And you also know that making someone upset makes them start to resent things. Makes them angry, vicious, hungry.”

The Panelix swallowed nervously. She was beginning to panic, but desperately tried to hide her fear behind a more neutral expression.

“What do you want, Arkay?”

“What do you think I want, Epani?”

“Uh…”

Sini summoned several glasses of champagne, interrupting Epani and Arkay in a vague attempt to lighten the mood.

“It’s all pretty simple, guys! We remove the limitations Epani put on Kairos, we loosen Arkay’s chains a bit, because we can’t just let him run around completely free, Arkay promises he won’t get angry and kill anyone, and Epani promises to be a bit nicer to everyone, because she’s been a right bitch lately!”

Arkay backed off, smiling ever so slightly. “That’s fine. I won’t kill anyone. Not outside of my normal duties anyway.”

“You promise you will actually do that, Epani?” Kairos snarled, pushing away the glass Sini was offering him.

“I…” Epani trailed off, closing her eyes. She started muttering to herself, speaking words that didn’t seem to make any sense. Eventually, her eyes opened up again, but she looked visibly strained. “It is done.”

Kairos and Arkay both took a deep breath. Kairos didn’t feel any different, but Arkay leaned back, stretching his arms out. The charred tips on his armour and his burnt skin immediately started healing up, much faster than normal, and the small scratch on his lip disappeared completely, as did several other scars across his body.

“Feeling better?” Sini asked.

“Much better!” Arkay smiled, finally accepting Sini’s drink, before standing up. “And to think, we could have solved this whole situation by being more honest with each other. Anyway, I think I’m going to head off, I have things to do. And I want to take a quick nap before getting back to work.”

Kairos nodded in agreement, doing the same, spreading out his wings. “I have work to do as well. Thank you for this, it has been… revealing.”

In a flash of light, the Whenvern disappeared. Arkay waved briefly, then walked through the nearest shadow, vanishing from sight as well. Once everything had settled down, Sini and Epani glanced at each other.

“So, there’s a ton of food and drink here from my buffet, want to get wasted and have sex?” Sini playfully asked, downing both her glass of champagne and the glass Kairos had left. Epani stared at Sini, not really sure how to respond. After a while, she simply sighed.

“No.”

“You sure?”

Epani hesitated, then sighed again. “Yes, I am sure. I need… to be alone for a while.”

Sini didn’t seem to care. She started pouring herself some more champagne. “Alright, you do that then. Call me when you get desperate. See you round!”

“Yeah… bye, Sini…” Epani muttered as she teleported away, leaving nothing more than a shower of red sparkles.