Love-Drunk Messages

Arkadin approached the crystalline balcony with caution. The balcony was part of a massive crystal palace which overlooked a nebular cluster, offering one of the most beautiful sights in the universe. Perched on said balcony was the Whenvern, a gigantic, equally crystalline dragon, his wings tucked up neatly by his side.

“You, uh, called, Kairos?”

“Yeah. You seen nervous.”

The Thantophor glanced down at the glass beneath him. “I never liked this place. The fact that everything is translucent bothers me. You seem weird though. Or rather, weirded out.”

Kairos shrugged. He untucked one of his wings, flapped it about, airing out the strange, black, starry flames that made up his wing membranes, then tucked his wing away. He then untucked his other wing, the one closest to Arkadin, and chucked something towards him. A mobile communicator skidded along the floor, stopping by Arkadin’s taloned feet.

“I am. Phovos keeps on calling me, asking me weird things.”

Arkadin picked up the device and checked the recent messages. A lot of them were from Kairos’s mortal best friend. All of them were vaguely or even openly sexual.

“I don’t think I should be reading these.”

“I wouldn’t have let you read them if I didn’t want you to see them.”

“Well…” Arkadin trailed off, scanning through the messages. There was a very clear point where the mortal’s questions and responses went from benign and pretty normal to suddenly being filled with awkward conversations and silly innuendoes. There was another clear point, a much more recent point, where those messages turned into flat out sexual questions and comments. “Uh…”

“That’s not normal, is it?”

Arkadin shrugged as he handed the device back to Kairos. “I don’t know. And I don’t really know why you’re asking me about it. Sure, I’ve known Phovos for a while, fought with and against her, but I have no idea about her, uh, personal life. If anything, the fact that you’re asking me is… kinda creepy.”

“I don’t know if she is coming on to me or if there is something wrong with her or something,” Kairos tutted, staring out into the distance. “I like her but she is easy to scare off. I’ve done it before and I don’t want to do it again. Also she’s never messaged me like this before. It’s also the same problem you have, whether it is morally correct to be intimate with a mortal or not. Phovos is so much more than most mortals, but still…”

“Is that why you keep on telling her you’re busy right now, even though you’ve been sitting here for the last two hours?”

The Whenvern nodded. Arkadin thought to himself, not sure what to say. Luckily, the communicator buzzed, distracting both the deities.

“Well, what does it say?”

Kairos tutted, then checked the device. “She says everyone is feeling the way she does right now.”


“Everyone is feeling horny down in Palaestra.”

“Oh.” The look on Arkadin’s face changed from confusion to realization. Then, after a few seconds, that realization changed into annoyance and irritation.

“Is… something wrong?”

Arkadin grunted. “Fucking Yisini. Fucking little bitch can’t leave well enough alone! I fucking told her not to!”

Kairos blinked. “What?”

The Thantophor tutted and grunted some more as he joined Kairos on the balcony, his legs swinging off the edge. “I fucking told her to put that stupid atmospheric lovey dovey stuff away. But nooooo, she didn’t listen…”

Kairos shrugged. “Well, that does answer my questions. I’m not going near that planet at all and Phovos clearly isn’t in any position to properly consent to anything. But what can we do about the situation in general?”

“There’s nothing we can do…” Arkadin sighed, feeling sick and tired of this mess already. “We just have to wait until it all passes over…”