Tenuk’s Guide to Dealing with Deities – Introduction

Hi there! Welcome to my little guide on dealing with deities! Now, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking that this guide is pointless, that deities never deal in mortal affairs and why the hell would you personally need to know how to interact with them? And you know what, you’re absolutely right in thinking that! In fact, I used to think the exact same thing until I found myself face to face with the most powerful beings in this universe!

Simply put, this universe is small. As far as current astronomy is aware, our universe is REALLY small, to the point that other universes try to squish us. And because it’s small, that means there’s… less empty space in it. And less empty space means more beings, mortal or otherwise. Going on from that, simply because this universe is small, that means there’s a bigger chance of running into one of our six deities.

Before I continue, yes, there are six deities. As confirmed by the six deities themselves. How do I know? Because I’ve met all six of them in person. A very traumatic experience for beings who aren’t prepared. These experiences though can very quickly become dangerous or even deadly if you don’t know how to act, react and interact. Even if you’re not talking to a death god.

In fact, when it comes to deaths induced by meeting deities, you’re more likely to be murdered by the Goddess of Life or the God of Time than you are the God of Death. Ploughing though research in the Grand Kronospast Libraries, in the 945 incidents in the last 1000 years where a deity had met with a Kronospast and someone or something had died, over 40% of those deaths were caused by the Goddess of Life, with only a mere 1.5% being caused by the God of Death. Most of these deaths (and any injuries that followed) were brought on by poor interactions with said deity.

While numbers are fuzzier for other races, (for example, Ksithans keep their dealings with deities secret and it’s nigh impossible to get numbers on Skyavok meetings with deities for a large variety of reasons) it’s worth noting that deaths and injuries from said meetings and dealings follow the same pattern.

As for me? Well I’ve just been in the right places at the right times, and managed to do just the right things in order to not get brutally murdered… or worse, imprisoned and tortured for a multitude of lifetimes. How I met these deities, I’ll get to that later on. What’s more important is how I reacted when I met them.

I’m an oddity though. I’ve been fortunate to survive meetings with all the deities. It’s not just been pure luck though, a dash of common sense is involved, but so is some innate knowledge and research in making sure that my meetings go smoothly and calmly. After a lot of research and hard work, I bring to you my guide on how to deal with deities, so you too can meet your gods in a safe and secure manner.

Before I dive into the details on how to deal with deities though, I’m going to introduce them to you, help you learn who and what they are and what they are capable of. Consider this research before you head into a job interview or the likes. You never want to go in blind into these things.

Once we have been properly introduced to our six deities, then I will get into how to talk, move and act around them. Finally, I will discuss how one can actually go about meeting one…