“You all pick the weirdest places to have our godly meet ups…” Arkadin sighed as he brought out the ‘special’ glasses that he only used for special occasions. The glasses would automatically fill up with a being’s drink of choice when held, and would refill as needed. It was good for occasions like this, because Arkadin knew just how much of a fussy drinker Yisini was.
“What’s wrong with having a meet up around your fancy swimming pool?” Kairos replied.
“There’s nothing wrong with that normally, it’s just that you all planned to leave me alone and yet you’ve all been pestering me lately.”
Yisini and Kairos both glanced at each other and shrugged. Epani wasn’t paying attention, she was floating upside down in Arkadin’s pool, occasionally splashing water over herself.
“Is she okay?” Kairos asked, turning his attention to Epani.
“Nah,” Yisini smiled. “She’s lonely. Needs a boyfriend.”
“You could say the same thing about Arkadin there!” Kairos smiled back. “Heck, everyone could do with a partner.”
“Specifically a boyfriend. Sometimes you need a good di-”
“Yisini!” Arkadin quickly snapped. “Some of us here have a sense of decency!”
“Doesn’t mean that you could do with some sex. Especially you, Mr. 13 Trillion Year Old Virgin!” Yisini was still smiling as she downed a glass of wine then immediately downed another. “You NEED that sort of thing to relax you.”
“That sort of thing doesn’t inter-”
“Yes it does.”
“It doesn’t.”
“It does, you’re just too much of a pussy to admit it.”
“IT DOESN’T!”
Kairos put a wing around Arkadin in a futile attempt to calm him down. “Let’s just agree that we all like differ-”
“I’ll agree when Arkadin stops lying to himself!” Yisini hissed. “He’s cold and lonely. Epani is cold and lonely. They both need something. Someone. Friends. Couples. Things like that. Admit it, Arkadin, you’ve sat there, staring at happy couples, wishing you could feel something like that.”
The Thantophor slumped in his seat. He didn’t have any way to counter that. Luckily though, Epani retaliated for him by splashing Yisini with water from the pool.
“That’s mean!” Kairos sighed.
“Eh, I don’t care how you react, you both know I’m right!” Yisini shook herself off and drank some more, this time filling her glass with red wine. “The question is, how do you two fix being depressed retards?”
“By kicking you in the cunt?” Epani suggested as she flipped over and splashed Yisini some more. “You can be such a horrible being, Yisini. So cruel, considering you are the goddess of love and life. But alas, you create such horrible things as well.”
“Doesn’t work…” Arkadin grunted, sipping cola from his glass. “Trust me, I’ve fought Yisini before. She just grows a new one.”
“Orrrrr…” Kairos tried to remain positive. “Perhaps maybe you two could listen to some of Yisini’s advice? You don’t need to go on retarded sex parties like she does, but some mortal companionship might be beneficial to you both!”
Epani spat a load of water at Kairos. “Who in this sweet universe will want to go out with a massive space monster like me? Even the Lord of Death has more chances laying with a mortal than I do!”
“I doubt it!” Yisini snubbed.
“I do not doubt it!” Epani snapped back.
“Well, here’s an idea, if you want one!” Yisini grinned. “Kairos is dating that Phovos girl, one of the four we were going to use to replace Arkadin. I’m sure one of the other three, probably the Kronospast, would at least be willing to take you out for drinks! Same goes for the little Skyavok. I call dibs on Timik though.”
“Are you suggesting a quadruple date?” Arkadin had pretty much given up trying to argue now.
“Yep.”
“That is retarded!” Epani growled.
“But it could work…” Kairos muttered.
“It is retarded!” Epani repeated.
Yisini continued grinning as she searched for something on her body. Eventually, she pulled a small, gold statue out from… somewhere and placed it on the table. “Let’s make this shit interesting then! I bet this Kinigi Shrine that Arkadin and Epani are too retarded to even get on a date with the Kronospast and the Skyavok.”
The other deities all looked at each other. After a brief silence, Kairos opened up his void-wallet and revealed four gems, each one in the shape of him and his siblings.
“I bet that Arkadin will get a date, Epani won’t go on a date at all, Timik will refuse to lay with Yisini and I’ll still be with Phovos after all this is over.”
Epani hissed to herself, then shook the glowing tendril on her head. On the table, a large bag of silver and gold coins appeared.
“I bet nothing will happen. Maybe Kairos will still be dating the Raptor, but nothing will happen for anyone else.”
Yisini continued to smile. Everyone stared at Arkadin, waiting for him to move. Eventually, he got up, walked inside the house and started rummaging around. After a lot of crashing and banging, Arkadin reappeared, carrying a massive sword, which he dropped on the table with a clang.
“You’re betting a sword?”
“It’s a fucking Galatine Prime replica!” Arkadin exclaimed. “I made it myself. It’s just as valuable as all your crap!”
Kairos shrugged. “Well alright. What do you predict.”
“I’m not predicting anything for you lot. But I’m going to go on a date or two with Kayen, just to prove you all wrong.”
Yisini clapped her hands together. “Challenge accepted! Good luck, my dear siblings!”